Into the deep…

I woke this morning early, much earlier than I normally do. It happens sometimes, normally when I have much on my mind. However, last night I left school (after a fairly demanding test that I fretted over for the last week), and made a trip to Wal-Mart in order to fill my sons prescription. Naturally they didn’t have it, and naturally he needed it. As it turns out the only drug store that had it was in Macon. Needless to say I left Wal-Mart and headed for Macon. By the time I finally arrived home it was close to 11 and all the kids were sound asleep. Another day missed, another day gone, more time that cannot be redeemed…and this is only part of the struggle in attempting to balance the life God has so graciously blessed us with.

As you can imagine, by this time I was exhausted and thought “I should have no problems sleeping through the night”. It was a fleeting thought, but one I embraced. I slipped off to sleep and before my mind could engage my dreams I was awoken. Unable to sleep anymore, I arose and began to read my bible, realizing that so much prayer was left unspoken, I then found my place on the living room floor. I prostrated myself as I began to plead for my children, my wife, my church…and so many other things. So many problems, so little time…I need wisdom, so I asked of him who hath promised to give abundantly (I am still waiting).

After the Amen, I opened my eyes and found my gaze transfixed on the wall that hangs our wedding pictures. My thoughts drifted then to a time when things were so much simpler, when love was so much more naïve. I looked closely at her picture and tried to remember how much I loved her then. It was an impossible task. You see over the years Lori and I have recorded a history, it is a history that only we share. In that history there is great pain, great sorrow, great joys and so much happiness. As I thought about the events as they occurred I was faced with the realization that my love for her now is so much stronger having experienced this life together than it was the day we married. It became impossible for me to imagine a day when I loved her less.

As I meditated on this thought, my mind suddenly began to drift again to another time and another relationship. That being the day I was joined to the bride-groom. I wonder now, after so many years, the ups and downs, the highs and lows, the history recorded between us; has his love for me grown stronger. Perhaps this is a concept that needs to be explored. Can God with his infinite abilities possibly love us more now than yesterday, more tomorrow than he does today?

The mere thought of a perfect God, with a perfect love, loving us more with each passing day is almost more than the senses can handle. I suppose the answer to this question is better left to the theologians of the world, but I must confess it is an exhilarating thought to think…that God should love us more tomorrow than he does today. Like quicksand, it pulls us in and we soon begin to sink…deeper and deeper, until the world itself slips from our grasp and we are fully and finally consumed. The more we struggle the greater the pull…loving us more and more.

When the struggle is over and the fight is gone from our flesh, we learn to rest in his embrace…and we are comforted by it. Overcome by a quiet confidence that he will never leave us…he will never forsake us. What a wonderful God we serve.

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