The walls must come down. For if not how shall we ever truly give you life? I will never pretend to know the pain that my Son endured as an orphan, my only option is to be there when the dam breaks and the memories come flooding back and begin to pour from his sockets. Yes, my only option is to be there to dry those tears and ensure him that the horror of it all is over. Yet still it hurts, it hurts to know that there is a pain so deeply imbedded in your child’s heart that the best of surgeons could not find it. That is except for Christ.
Last night me and Ty had a very candid discussion that came on the heels of him being disciplined for his disobedience. I’m not sure what triggers his relapses, it does however seem to happen whenever he is being chastised about a matter. He is quick to defend himself anytime he is wrong, he is just as quick to project and deflect onto the other children as well. But last night my worst fears came true when he uttered the words…”you treat them differently than me”. For a moment it took my breath away as I processed what he had said. The fact is this is something I have worked very hard not to do. Perhaps others who have adopted will understand this struggle. In retrospect I think Ty was right and I acknowledged such, I apologized and reassured him that he was loved equally. I told him that often times our feelings can mislead us into believing certain things that are not true. We discussed God’s love for his children and how often times in our worst moments we too can feel as if God does not love us, yet these momentary afflictions are in contrast to his words. God has affirmed his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.
I then reiterated why we came to China in the first place. That because God had given us a love for Ty we came for him. I then assured him that this was all God’s plan…that God loves the orphan and that his word says I will not leave you as orphans. (Not thinking about the theological implications of this statement) Ty then looked at me and through his tears asked the most difficult question I have ever been asked. “Than why is there still so many orphans, why has God not given them a family”. I simply cannot answer that question other than to say…as the body of Christ we too have been disobedient. If you haven’t considered foster care or adoption please at the very least pray about it and ask God what He would have you do. You might be surprised at his response. For too long now this body of believer’s has looked into the eyes of children everywhere and in our hearts said to them…”damn you straight to hell”.
Here is a poem I found that I really wanted to share.
“Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried you tears
One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.
Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of?
Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.”