Over the last several months I have tried to make an extra effort at paying attention to the details. This was a discipline pounded in me during my stint in the service. However I must admit that over the years I have grown complacent. The first observation I have made and admitably one that I have missed is this:
Whenever we load our growing family into the vehicle and head out onto the highways and Byways, I have noticed that Justin sits quietly and stares out the window. He does this until we arrive at our destination. I asked him once what he was thinking about…”nothing” was his reply. This then has left me to discern his thoughts myself. What could he possibly be thinking as we travel down these old dirt roads? When he sees the deer in the fields across the road…is he thinking about the one that got away, or is he just simply enjoying the beauty of God’s creation? His eyes seem so full of wonder, which makes me wonder…is he thinking about all the vast areas of wilderness that he has yet to explore in his many adventures? Is he thinking about his future, or what kind of father he will be? Is he thinking about his future children with a love that already exists within his heart? The truth is I just don’t know, and he is unwilling to say. One thing is for sure, his eyes are lit with possibility, and his heart is ready for opportunity. He has had the privilege of being shielded from much of the darkness that exists in this world. In fact he is blind to it, I really don’t think he sees the dangers that exist in the wilderness he longs for, the potential perils of fatherhood, or the fantastic failures of Husbandry. His eyes are full of light, of purity, and promise. How can a man keep his way pure? That he might store up the word of God in his heart.
This is all in contrast to my other son Ty. For those that don’t know Ty was an orphan for much of his life. Having a family has not been the easiest transition for any of us. Every now and then Ty will say something that rocks me to my core and reminds me why adoption is worth it. Last week My amazing wife gave birth to our fourth biological child, a little boy named Jonathan David. We came home on Wednesday and of course we had the usual visitors (friends and family). Ty immediately went on to continue his normal routine, playing with Legos and assisting Ironman in saving the World. It was during one of Lego sessions that he turned on the overhead light, which immediately blinded the ne baby. I instructed Ty to turn the light off because the babies eyes were still sensitive too sensitive to absorb it all. Why? he asked. “The baby has been living in darkness for nine months Ty, his eyes need some time to adjust”. To this Ty responded “Daddy I lived in darkness for 10 years and my eyes are fine”. My mouth was stopped, and I chose then to plead the fifth. I will never know the pain that he speaks of (neither will Justin), and Ty will never unsee the darkness he lived in for the bulk of his life. While they are separated by only two years their world’s couldn’t be further apart. I love them both dearly, and my prayer is that someday they will each catch a glimpse of the other’s world and learn to appreciate the fact that a brother is born for adversity.